I know, I know. It’s been about 235,660 years since I’ve posted anything. Let me start this post with a heart-felt apology. I dropped the ball, but I’m picking it back up. Forgive me? Cool.
To be completely transparent with you all, my life plummeted into an abyss (yes, it was that bad lol) and I completely abandoned everything and everyone, including my growing relationship with God. So, in my mind I’m like “who am I to be giving advice to other women when my life is in shambles?” and “what kind of hypocrite would I be?” Other times it would be thoughts like “I’m just going through too much to deal with this blog.”
I don’t remember exactly what started my drift away from the right path, but I do know that it happened so fast and before I knew it, I was too far gone…or at least that’s what it felt like. I began to pick up old habits, rekindle relationships that I had broken off years ago for valid reasons, and my whole thought process was just at a steady decline.
That’s when the lonliness, feelings of shame and disgust started to kick in. I distanced myself from many people in fear of them smelling my sins from a mile away. I stopped talking to God because I believed that He was disgusted and upset with me and I was just too embarrassed to talk to Him. Honestly, what was I gonna say? I was too scared to ask for forgiveness knowing that the next day I was going to be right back at it.
On top of my internal struggles, life after graduation barged in and brought lots of bills with it. In all, I was overwhlemed and didn’t know how to handle it all.
Moral of the story: I WAS/AM STILL KIND OF A MESS lol.
But something a close friend of mine said to me really hit home and gave me the encouragment I needed: “…any down fall or back track you may feel that you had doesn’t take away from the message God has laid on your heart.. let God be God to you, let Him do what He does best, let Him mend you, let Him be who He is to you. We wouldn’t need Him if we always had it all together. Forgive yourself. Nothing you could ever do is greater than what God can cover, let Him be Him to you.”
I’m barely even there yet, but I am on my way and taking baby steps to get back to where I need to be.
I had also come to a harsh realization: it’s not just about me.
I didn’t start this blog solely for me. I’m not living this life solely for me. I’m not going through what I’m going through solely for me.
I’m here, as well as everyone else, to go through life experiences and share them with whoever is going through the same thing to let them know they’re not alone and help bring them out of the abyss they’re in, all while glorifying God.
I realized that I was waiting to become a little more “perfect” before pursuing pretty much anything. I’d be waiting literally forever because I’ll never attain perfection. But what fun is that anyway? Imperfections, downfalls, and other real-life experiences make people more relatable and that’s all I’m trying to be.
And the moment I realized all this, it gave me all the push I needed to get going again.
So bear with me and encourage me as I go on this journey as I do the same for you all.
Don’t forget to leave some encouragement for your fellow women!