God speaks to us through different ways: dreams, other people, His Word (Bible), and even situations.

About 2-3 years ago during the winter, I went to go visit my grandmother who lives right up the street from me. It was supposed to be a horrible snow storm coming, but I figured I’d go to my grandmother’s house and make it back home before the storm began.

As I was leaving her house, it started to snow lightly. Perfect timing, right? As I got closer to my house, the snow got worse and the roads were becoming icy/slippery. At this point, I’m praying that God gets me home safely.

I’m maybe 3 minutes away from my house and the way I usually take was full of traffic. On the same route, there’s another way that I could go, which would take me through a neighborhood and get me home. I really felt this tugging on my heart to NOT go that way, but in my impatience, I took the turn anyway.

There’s a slight hill on the alternative route I took. I’m attempting to go up the hill and I get stuck. Can’t move forward, can’t reverse. During this time, I had an extremely old car (my first car); the wheels weren’t good and neither were the brakes. I was trying for what seemed like forever, but I just couldn’t go anywhere.

I can’t remember what He said verbatim, but I know that I clearly heard the Holy Spirit say to my spirit, “Your ways simply will not work. You have to do things My way. Trust Me.”

I burst into tears. Literally sobbing. I didn’t do a long, drawn-out prayer or ask for forgiveness 2398 times; I simply said “Okay.”

After taking some time to get myself together, I attempted to get off the hill. I put my car in reverse and my car slowly starts going down the hill. I was able to finally get off the hill and right back on the route I was originally taking. Made it home safely.

I know one would look at this situation and think “Girl, you just got stuck in bad weather. Big deal.” But the fact that God took this “happens to everybody” occurrence and took the time to speak to me through it means everything to me.

It showed me that God really does care and He has nothing but the best in store for us. He literally showed me the outcomes of doing things my way and doing things His way.

It showed me God’s never-ending grace. I don’t remember exactly what I was going through at that time, but I know that it wasn’t anything I was proud of. Instead of letting me go the route I was going or “smiting” me as us humans usually think He’s just so ready to do lol (I promise He’s not), He said, “Let Me show you a different way, My way.”

God’s grace isn’t contractual. It isn’t contingent on anything we do. It’s freely given. And guess what? It never runs out. There is no limit on God’s grace. It doesn’t matter what you have done or how far gone you think you are, He can and will forgive you, heal you, AND He’ll direct you to where you need to go.

It’s so hard to believe sometimes because we feel like we must work for something in order to rightfully receive, but His grace is the complete opposite. Why? Because He loves us. Period.

God isn’t upset with you. He isn’t fed up with you. He isn’t disgusted by or ashamed of you. Remember that He knew everything that you would think, say, or do before the world was created and He still died for you to save you. He’s waiting, patiently, for you to say “okay.” He’s got you.

Maybe your experience wasn’t like mine, but God always reaches out to each and every one of us. Don’t ignore Him. Feel like you’ve already possibly ignored Him and did your own thing instead? Don’t worry. “If you wander from the right path, either to the right or to the left, you will hear a voice behind you saying, “You should go this way. Here is the right way.” Isaiah 30:21 MSG.



Happy Valentine’s Day to all the married couples, daters, and singles out there!

Today is, per the masses, a day to celebrate romantic love; a day when people express their love for one another through gifts, romantic dinners, a million “I love you’s” and everything in between.

Society has even evolved a little to where Valentine’s Day is a day for singles to celebrate with friends and even family. Some people may be celebrating Galentine’s Day instead (like me lol.)

But there are some people who have neither a spouse, significant other, or even friends to celebrate with. There are also some people that just simply don’t care whether or not another Valentine’s Day ever came back around whether it’s because they’ve never celebrated, had a horrible experience, or whatever reason. Three words: I feel you.

Let me share a short Valentine’s Day horror story with you all:

About a couple years ago on this very day, I was dating a guy who I was madly infatuated and in like with. We agreed to spend V-day together. I was superrr excited because it would be my first time celebrating V-day, and with someone I really liked!

I cancelled my plans to visit my cousin that weekend and was just focused on what I would wear, how my hair would be, and just being with my boo!

I spent hourssss getting ready: putting on endless face masks, putting together an outfit, making sure my hair and makeup was in place and popping, the works lol. I even put on heels y’all. Heels.

When he finally arrived to pick me up, he got out the car and was wearing basketball shorts, slides, and a hoodie. So of course I think to myself, “Why the heck is he dressed like this and we’re going out?” Nevertheless, I didn’t say anything because I was happy just to see him and to be going out with him.

We get in the car and he starts of with, “You look nice…” and then goes on to say we can’t go out anymore because his mom wants him to come home and do something. Mind you, it was late in the evening, he had JUST come from his house, and there was also some huge basketball game going on. Coincidence? Probably not.

Before we departed, he presented me with a card, chips, and guacamole. I went to my grandmother’s house, held back tears for hours, and went home. The end.

I’ll admit, this isn’t really a “horror story,” but it was a heartbreaking one, for me at least. I just couldn’t believe that I’d dropped everything to spend time with someone I cared a lot about only to be disappointed. I was let down.

But that’s what humans do. We all have disappointed someone at some point in our lives and we will do it again, intentionally or unintentionally. This, along with other valuable lessons, taught me that I can’t always rely on people, but I can always rely on God. Always.

My favorite characteristic about God is that He is never-changing. He is consistent and comes through on ALL (yes, all) of His promises. This is such a hard concept to accept because we’re so used to human always letting us down so we think that God will do the same. But this stems from a distorted view of God. God is not human, therefore He cannot disappoint. It’s just not in His nature.

His love is also never-changing and NOTHING can get in the way of His love for us.

“Yes, I am sure that nothing can separate us from God’s love—not death, life, angels, or ruling spirits. I am sure that nothing now, nothing in the future, no powers, nothing above us or nothing below us—nothing in the whole created world—will ever be able to separate us from the love God has shown us in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans‬ ‭8:38-39‬ ‭ERV‬‬

So don’t be discouraged! No matter what you’ve been through, whether you celebrate V-day or not, if you’re single or not, no matter any circumstance, you are loved unconditionally and infinitely.

Some of us will receive cards, teddy bears, candy, a candle-lit dinner, and all of the like. Some of us will receive nothing, but we all have received one, incomparable gift: true life through the death and resurrection through Jesus. Now that’s love.

Drop some words of encouragement or share your v-day horror story!

V-day food deals:

Messages on Love:

protect yo’ peace.

Peace. Something it seems a lot of us lack in our lives. We’re always ripping and running, worrying and stressing, or just falling apart completely.  But what is peace exactly? To sum it all up, peace is to be sound, secure, and free from internal/external commotion. How do we gain or maintain this peace?

Say No:

We must master the art of saying “no.” There’s nothing wrong with readily helping someone out or hanging out with friends, but sometimes, you just need a break. Saying “yes” out of guilt and/or fear of what the other person may think or feel is detrimental to your mental and emotional well-being. Don’t set yourselves up like that. Give yourself a break because, quite frankly, you deserve one. Or two.

I admit that I was once a “Yes (Wo)man.” I would say “yes” without thinking or hesitating, and then even a few minutes after, I’d be wondering why in the world I would say “yes” knowing that I have a million other things to do or that I set time aside to just relax and enjoy my own company. This is a form of people-pleasing.

I have, without a doubt, mastered the beautiful art of saying “no.” I value my mental/emotional/spiritual stability and well-being more than pleasing others. Anyone that knows me knows that I am always willing to help out and if I can, I absolutely will…but, not at my expense. Say no to social media. Sometimes. Say no to unhealthy relationships. Always. Say no to anything that will potentially disrupt your inner peace.

Protect Your Energy:

We all have problems and we all need someone to lean on and vent to during these times. But, let’s be honest. We all know about two people who are constantly in a negative state of mind, relentlessly complaining about everything, and using you as their listening ear…ALL THE TIME. I don’t feel bad talking about this because I can admit that I was one of those people. I’ve always had the “woe is me” mentality and constantly dumping this energy on other people, until people stopped responding to me or would just respond “wow” or “dang.” The moment I realized that I was a Negative Nancy was when I had a friend do the same thing to me. It’s like a light-bulb went off in my head and essentially I had to check myself. It is completely inconsiderate to the other person.

NOBODY likes a complainer. NOBODY likes a downer. It is spiritually draining, especially when the complainer takes no initiative to make a change. I will always lend a listening ear and encouragement to anyone in need. There are people who actually need help and need you to be there for them, and you should! But, it’s easy to weed out the downers, the users, and the people who have no intention on changing for the better. Don’t take on the burden of forcing them to change or making them your personal project. Only God can change them on only they can give Him access to do so. We can only encourage them with our words and actions. Pray for them always, but do not jeopardize your overall wellness for anyone. We must protect our space, our time, and our souls. This post on IG said it best: “Vent to me, but don’t let that be our only form of communication.”


Want peace? Give up, literally. We’ve all tried stressing and worrying about whatever is happening or is going to happen, but have we tried surrendering our problems? Worrying does absolutely nothing for us but make us sick in every way possible and anxious. The problem is still there after all the worrying. I am still learning to surrender EVERYTHING to God. I find myself, even now, letting go of certain issues I used to worry about, but still holding on to others. There’s no such thing as half-way surrender.

Let me tell you all a short story:

Before graduation, I was fervently searching for a new job. After months and months of searching, I finally landed one. I was so excited that I landed a job before graduation and that I would finally have consistent money. During the training, I just kept getting this constant feeling that I should leave. I initially ignored it, but the feeling would not go away. I was trying to rationalize what I was feeling, but to no avail. There were definitely things that kept happening that screamed to me that I should leave, but I distinctly remember one. This girl in my training class (who I did not know and who didn’t know my situation) said that the Holy Spirit told her to tell me to trust Him, Never had an in-depth conversation with her about anything at all.  So I obeyed and left. I was stressing and questioning God “why” and “when” until I just gave up. I literally told God I give up. I just found that it was pointless to stress, knowing that it didn’t help or change my situation. Not too long after, God blessed me with a job that would start two weeks after graduation. Isn’t He good???

Although I am no longer at that job, it was exactly what I needed at the time and was provided for me exactly when I needed it and I know that He’ll do it again. Moral of the story: give up, trust God and, in exchange, He will give you peace and He will provide for you in His perfect timing.


Don’t have peace no matter what you do? Ask God for peace. He is ready and willing to provide it for you. Along with all the things God is, He is a God of peace and anything opposite of peace is not from Him. Ask Him and He will provide.

Find your peace and protect it at all costs.

Drop some words of encouragement! 


Yes, I’m alive lol. I know it’s been a little while, but I’m not sorry and I’ll explain why.

I needed a break. From others. From myself. From social media. From life. I just got so overwhelmed and drained that I didn’t know what else to do but pause. Maybe it was the end of the year blues or the oh-so-common “SAD” (seasonal affect disorder), but I was unhappy and just…tired. Constantly making mistakes, constantly comparing myself and my success (or lack thereof) to others, and just not meeting any expectations. I lacked peace.

The first thing I did was lessen my contact with people. And not that they did anything wrong, I just needed a clear head space. I needed to spend more time with me and focus on my needs, no distractions. I didn’t want to be around anyone, whether I knew them or not. I literally just wanted to be in a bubble and didn’t want to be bothered.

Then I cut social media. I was SICKKKK (and still am) of seeing people I’d never be like or look like. I got tired of seeing people receiving the very things and living the very life I pray and hope for. Jealousy? I don’t think so because I didn’t envy them; I was actually happy for them. But it just made me think, well dang, am I doing something wrong? Am I not praying hard enough? Am I not putting enough work in? The mind, I tell you lol smh.

I always get on people who watch the news. I never understand why they would want to watch something that continuously spews depressing information , that inflicts fear into all who watch. People KNOW THIS and are fully aware, but still watch the news. Over and over and over.

Until I realized, I was the exact same. With Instagram. I know how I feel when I get on there. I know the content my brain will be receiving when I get on. I know these things. And yet, I continuously get on. Dare I use the word addiction. I’m not one to be addicted to anything, so I wasn’t going to start with social media.

Sometimes I even think if I give too much credit to social media and don’t take enough responsibility for my own thought process and my level of self-confidence. Maybe. We’re working on that lol. But all in all, that mini break was a refreshing one. It allowed me to live my own life at my own pace, in my own lane. I’d do it again. And again.

I even quit my job. My mental/emotional health depleted drastically while I was there. I was unhappy and couldn’t snap out of it, no matter how many people told me to “think positive thoughts” (I find this super annoying btw lol.) I was dealing with so much there and I just wasn’t being or feeling like my normal self. Way too many things were going on there, from office bullying to sexual harassment (yesss ya’ll smh) and no action taken for either misfortune (say whaaa?!). On top of that, I was getting paid 2 cents per hour. I was over it. No regrets about that decision whatsoever.

I say all this to say, protect your peace. At all costs. Whatever you have to do, whatever/whoever you have to cut off to regain it, temporarily or permanently, protect your peace. Of course you don’t have to do exactly what I did. Pray on it and just do whatever works for you. Without explanation or apology. Without explanation or apology.

trusting God.

I wasn’t even planning on writing a piece on this specific topic or even dropping anything today, but per usual, The Holy Spirit had different plans lol.

This morning at 6 something in the morning, I said my usual morning prayer thanking God for waking me up, forgiveness, etc. I try my absolute hardest to make sure the very first thing I do on my phone is open the Bible App because I used to have an undesirable habit of hopping right onto social media first thing in the am and before I knew it, the day was over and I hadn’t read one word of His Word. Anywho, I opened the Bible App to read the usual “verse of the day” (just lazy, right? lol), but the Holy Spirit told me to challenge myself and dig a little deeper, specifically the book Romans.

I read Romans 4 (MSG) and the topic of that section was “Trusting God.”

I don’t remember the last time I read the Bible and recieved so much clarity.

Reading this verse made me realize I haven’t been trusting God in the way that I should. It kind of shocked me because I’m over here like “God, I feel like I HAVE been trusting You. What are You talking about?”

“If you’re a hard worker and do a good job, you deserve your pay; we don’t call your wages a gift. But if you see that the job is too big for you, that it’s something only God can do, and you trust him to do it—you could never do it for yourself no matter how hard and long you worked—well, that trusting-him-to-do-it is what gets you set right with God, by God. Sheer gift.” Romans‬ ‭4:4-5‬ ‭MSG‬‬

This is the verse that made me realize I have been cautiously trusting God. I’ve been trusting Him with certain things, but not everything and certainly not with big, important things.

When I say the conviction poured down like a monsoon lol. The Word doesn’t lie when It says, “For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires.” Hebrews‬ ‭4:12‬ ‭NLT‬

It’s like I felt conviction, yet relief like a weight was lifted off of me.

I felt bad that I wasn’t fully trusting God like I thought I was, but the relief came from the fact that God cared enough to point that out to me and show me the right way to trust Him: fully. Of course being the emotional person that I am, I cried.

Yesterday, I wrote down a prayer telling God I feel like He’s far away from me and I feel like I can’t hear Him. I thought about all the reasons as to why I could be feeling this way. Was it because I wasn’t reading my Bible? Was it because I cursed the other day because someone cut me off on the road or when I missed my turn? But even as I was writing these things down, His Spirit reminded me of something very important: God isn’t mean. God does not think like us. He does not retaliate against us due to missing the mark. God is a loving God. He is gentle. He is patient. He waits on us with open arms. He also reminded me not to base everything off of my feelings, but on truth. Just because I “feel” that He’s not close to me or there doesn’t necessarily mean that He’s not. We have to stand on the fact that He tells us that He “will never leave or forsake us” and God does not and cannot break promises.

It is also a fact that there’s nothing we can do to get in “good graces” with God. WE don’t do anything. It is simply by God’s grace that God made us right with Him, not the other way around. We’re so used to working hard in order to receive a certain reward whether it be a paycheck or praise, but that’s not how it works with God. I’ve always oddly felt like I was doing too much to somehow prove to God that I was for Him and that I was trying, but of course I failed because I cannot change myself. Only God can. We must be willing and truly repentant.

“That famous promise God gave Abraham—that he and his children would possess the earth—was not given because of something Abraham did or would do. It was based on God’s decision to put everything together for him, which Abraham then entered when he believed. If those who get what God gives them only get it by doing everything they are told to do and filling out all the right forms properly signed, that eliminates personal trust completely and turns the promise into an ironclad contract! That’s not a holy promise; that’s a business deal. A contract drawn up by a hard-nosed lawyer and with plenty of fine print only makes sure that you will never be able to collect. But if there is no contract in the first place, simply a promise —and God’s promise at that—you can’t break it.” Romans‬ ‭4:13-15‬ ‭MSG‬

All we have to do is be obedient, but not because we’re working to receive His blessings, but because we love and respect our Savior and we’re grateful for all that He’s done.

It’s so hard for me to receive anything. I’m a giver and I feel like I have to owe the person in some way if they freely give me something, but God isn’t like that. He want’s us to freely receive just as He freely gave. What a dishonor to refuse the grace, mercy, blessings, promises, and true life that God gave/gives to us through the death and life of His only Son. Like Abraham, let’s walk into what God has for us by believing.

He proved to me this morning that He’s still right here, that He sees me, He sees my efforts, and that He’s working on me.

It’s time to start believing. It’s time to start actually living and stop worrying. God has already provided us with all that we need and we need to walk into every single day God allots us knowing this fact. Don’t let your life pass by without truly living. Don’t let your life pass by and you miss God and all that He has for you. Today, (right now, actually) is a great time to start.

Drop some words of encouragement!

vent sesh vol. 1

Is there anybody out there who gets me?

Lately, I’ve just been feeling like an outcast and like nobody truly understands me. I feel like I’m all over the place. At the end of my day, I feel like I’ve kind of accomplished nothing and there was more I could’ve possibly done. Some days, like today, I just don’t feel as happy as I should be. Some days, I feel really down and find myself unable to snap out of it. I even wonder most times am I at fault for the way I feel? Am I at fault for the way my life is right now? Am I going crazy? Am I already crazy? I’m just not satisfied with the way my life is right now.

My mind is a whirlwind of could’ve, should’ve, would’ves and next steps that seem impossible to reach. I’m still living at home and I thought by 23, I would’ve been on my feet and steady. Dang, does everybody else have it all together except me? I feel so different from everyone else and kind of like I don’t fit in anywhere. I could be in a room full of people and still feel completely alone and in the way.

Although I feel that God blessed me with the job I have now when I needed it the most, I hate it here. Sometimes I kind of feel ungrateful, but I know I deserve better than this. I did not put in work for my degree for a job that couldn’t care less about my well being and pays a few extra dollars above minimum wage. Even though I’m in search of a new job, I still ask myself, “Will you be unhappy there too? Is it the job or is it you?” I don’t know. But I know I deserve better than this…and yet, I feel that nobody understands me on this matter. No one, except my bff. This saddens me, though, because she’s literally THEE ONLY person who has yet to truly understand and agree with me. It makes me feel insane.

On one hand, my mental and emotional health have drastically depleted since I’ve been here and on the other hand I have bills I have to pay. Sooo many people keep saying “this is life” or “this is what it means to be an adult.” This is a lie. I REFUSE to accept it. This is not life. The yearning that I have for a better life is not in vain. It’s real.

When did we become okay with settling? WHY are people okay with settling? I’m not sure why I feel the way I do. Maybe it’s the way God made me to be or maybe I’m tripping, but I literally cannot accept things “the way they are.” Not all things and especially not this. I’ve been this way since I was a child. Some people call it rebellion, some people call it trouble-making. I call it fighting. I call it inquisitive. I call it faith that there is more to life than what I am experiencing.

I get so anxious about the future and about my life in general. I only have one and I don’t want to screw it up. I always hear people say “you’re doing better than you think you are.” Maybe they’re right. Maybe they’re not. Who really knows. I cry more often than I should and I just want to pack my bags and move away somewhere for a little while.

I don’t know what God is doing and I don’t know what He’s trying to teach me right now. I’ve been asking and it seems like He’s silent. Or maybe I’m just not listening hard enough. I really don’t know, but it’s so frustrating and some days, it’s hard to Trust Him to be honest. But I try to remind myself often that He is God Almighty and that He has everything planned out before I even ask.

Life is hard right now and feels unbearable, but You are in control and You have conquered the world. God, please continue to keep me and everyone else feeling the way I do. Amen.

living single.

“I’m single.”

It seems like those two, little words cause so many different emotions to arise for people. Bewilderment, irritation, relief. But I’ve personally experienced and encountered individuals who often have feelings of sadness and loneliness, ESPECIALLY around this time of year.

Being single isn’t a curse. It’s not bad juju. It’s not obeah. Being single is an ultimate blessing and time for personal growth…if you allow it to be.

“But I don’t know how to be single”

This is a thing! Some people truly don’t know how to be single. Relationships are a comfort zone for some. It’s all they know and what they’re accustomed to. I’ll be the first to admit that this was me for the absolute longest. As I shared in a previous blog post, I craved love and affection in general and decided to search for those aspects through relationships and situation-ships with men who I had no business dealing with in the first place. For the moment, it was satisfying. I felt “loved” and adored. But of course, moments are just that: moments. After my relationship/situation-ship would end, I was left feeling empty and broken and still in need of love and affection. If you don’t know how to truly be single, chances are there’s some healing and watering that needs to occur.

I had to learn how to be alone, not lonely. There’s a huge difference. A significant other does not validate who you are as a person. The same insecurities and areas that need healing will still be there whether you’re with someone or not.

Contrary to popular belief, being single should not entail doing whatever you please just because you’re “single”. Texting, hanging out with, and having sex with multiple men because “you’re single” is counterproductive to your personal growth as a woman. At the time, it may feel like you’re superwoman or that you’re somehow empowering your womanhood and “girl power” because you can do whatever you please, but this is only pacifying the deeper issue(s). Just being real.

Being single should be like dating yourself. Get to know you. You’re fun and worth being around, I promise.

“Being single is boring”

Says who? Is being in a relationship that fun? Lol. I guess it can be, but I guarantee you that there are so many other things in the world to occupy your time with.

Again, get to know you. I know so many people who don’t even know what their God-given talents are or their passions. Take this single season to simply discover what you like.

Take yourself out on a date! Because I’m wayyy too awkward to go out to eat by myself, my personal favorite is going to the movies solo, especially on Tuesdays at the Bowie or Hyattsville theater when the movies are $5. You’re welcome.

This can also be a great time to strengthen other, platonic relationships. Spend quality time with your family. Hang out with friends. Don’t have any? Hi, I’m Imani and I’m your new friend. Lol seriously though! There’s something about being around other people that reassures you that you’re not the only one going through whatever it is that you may be going through.

Travel, travel, travel! If you know me, you know that traveling is my thing. Traveling just makes you forget about your troubles. It also gives you a refreshing outlook on and a new appreciation for life.  Save up, book a flight, and get out of here, girl!

“But I don’t want to be single forever.”

And neither do I, so I understand 100%. But there are still wounds from my past that absolutely need to be healed and habits that need to be broken before I step foot into a relationship. Don’t be a bag lady. It wouldn’t be fair to my significant other for me to project my insecurities on them. These things must be dealt with before being with someone. That person won’t “fix” you. They can’t fix you. Only God can do that and only you can allow Him to.

Don’t let time force you to settle either. What do I mean? I mean don’t rush into a relationship because you’re coming up on or past the age that you thought you’d be happily with someone. This is a big one for me because I am hoping and praying that I am married with children by 30, but what if this doesn’t happen? What if that’s not the plan God has for me? I honestly don’t know, but what I do know is that I won’t settle for less and I’ll trust that God has my best interest at heart, despite the circumstances.

I personally know too many people who have done this very thing and, of course, they’re comfortable and unhappy. They would rather have the bragging rights of saying that they have a man rather than waiting on God’s perfect timing and plan.  There’s nothing that God cannot fix, so there’s always hope for them. But prevention is better than picking up the pieces and trying to correctly put them all back together.

Another very important thing: social media can be a buzzkill a lot of the time. We see these picture-perfect couples all over our timeline and explore page. Then it gets us to start thinking things like “I wish I had a boyfriend/husband” or “why can’t I find love like that?”

Listen to me when I say issa trap. Do not fall for it! We have to keep in mind that we do not know these people. And even the people we do know who we think are the ideal couple, we are not with them 24/7 and we will never truly know how their relationship really is. I try my very best to steer clear of posts that will evoke feelings of wanting to be with someone because I know that, at the current time, I’m not ready. Out of sight, out of mind.


Repeat after me: it’s okay to be single. And happy.

Until my king comes along, I am going to enjoy and take advantage of my singleness in it’s entirety. I’m going to take this time to allow God to heal me, rebuild my relationship with Him, travel, learn what I like and don’t like, and ultimately fall in love with myself.

So, to all my single folks: don’t let this cold weather and holiday season get to you! You deserve more than a seasonal “cuffing.”  I challenge you all to stop friend-zoning yourselves and finally give yourself a chance. You won’t regret it.

domestic violence awareness month: love doesn’t hurt.

As you all may or may not know, October is domestic violence awareness month. In light of this, I’m deciding to be transparent and share my story.

My first abusive relationship was an emotionally/mentally abusive one. I was 14 years old. So young smh.

I can’t really remember if there were signs that I ignored (there always are), but I’ll never forget his manipulation and the multiple attempts to tear me down as a young girl. We would argue all the time and he would randomly accuse me of cheating, call me a whore and a slut. He would make me feel like I was at fault for everything that went wrong in our relationship. Whenever I would break up with him, he would call me numerous times and threaten to kill himself if I left him, leaving me to feel like I had to stay with him just in case he followed through with his threats.

I was at my aunt’s house one night and I had had enough of the arguing, so I broke up with him. My aunt witnessed the numerous calls and heard the threats he made. She set him straight and made me change my number immediately. I never heard from or saw him again.

My second abusive relationship was a physically abusive one. I was 18 years old. I had known him since we were in middle school and we started dating in high school when I was 15. I was so in love with him. We were always with each other and almost everyone knew we were together. Picture perfect high school love.

The first sign of abuse that I ignored was when he “playfully” punched me in my arm and gave me a contusion in my elbow. I had to wear a sling for a few weeks. I even lied to my mom and told her that I had gotten my injury during cheerleading practice because I didn’t want her to be upset that I was play-fighting with a guy.

The next instance was when he body slammed me into a wall at school. Mind you, this guy was a football player and I was a cheerleader who weighed 123 pounds. After I cried, we sat down and talked about what happened. I’ll never forget the nonchalant look on his face as I poured out my heart, letting him know how I felt about what he did.

We had broken up because of multiple instances of infidelity (on his part), but then we got back together about a year later.

One night, I had come back home for the weekend from college and went out with my friends. He did not like that. When I arrived at his house, we got into a heated argument that carried on into his house. During this argument, I got up to change my clothes. He thought I was leaving and that’s when his attack began. He pulled my hair. He choked me until I almost blacked out. He bit me. He threw me around the room like a rag doll as I cried and begged for him to stop.

Despite all of this, I still went back. Did it happen again? Of course. Multiple times. There was one time I literally ran for my life away from him with blood on my shirt as the whole neighborhood watched.

Another argument-filled night, he pulled a knife on me and threatened to stab and shoot me with his father’s gun if I left him. His exact words were straight out of a Lifetime movie: “If I can’t have you, nobody else will.”

There were many times where he would threaten to kill himself if I left him and a few times when I physically and verbally had to stop him from doing so.

The last physical encounter I had with him was the day we finally had broken up. He asked me to meet him at the back of a metro station. He pretended to want to talk, and then began to choke me. Thank God my best friend was there to help me fight him off. He tried to steal the keys to my car…it was just a huge mess that I, thankfully, got out of.

My last and most recent (more recent than I’d like to admit) abusive relationship (well, we were dating) was a verbally/mentally/emotionally abusive one.

He seemed very handsome and charming, would always take me out on dates and sell dreams.

The first red flag was that we argued almost everyday about absolutely nothing. Words and insults would be said that were completely uncalled for. The very next day or two after our arguments, things would be fine and the cycle would restart.

The very last straw was when we got into an argument about God knows what, and he called me a b**** and threatened to kill me. I blocked his number and all social media contact; however, he apparently had multiple accounts and would reach out to me on Instagram. He would call from blocked and random numbers solely to harass and threaten my life. It is completely over between us two, but I am still dealing with the remnants of that broken situation.


It is draining in every single aspect to know that some men in this world feel empowered when they demean women. It is sickening to know that some men will intentionally try to deteriorate a woman’s worth. Society (through social media) worships the broken relationship and glorifies abnormal behavior. Since when did it become okay to want a relationship where a man threatens to kill you if you leave him to become #goals?

Women, you are not exempt. I cannot stand to witness the way some women act towards and talk to men that they are supposed to love, especially their sons. My eyes heavily watered and my heart broke into pieces when I heard a 4-year-old baby boy basically chanting, “I’m stupid. I’m an idiot.” And when I spoke against this he responded, “My mommy says I am.”

Was this world not created by words spoken by God? Do we not understand how powerful our words are? Words create, good and bad. Speak life into one another. Just imagine how much change that would bring…

I never thought that I would end up in any abusive situation, let alone multiple. I am headstrong. I am not weak. I don’t take crap from anyone. But none of this exempted me from these experiences. To be completely honest, my self-esteem was lower than low, I didn’t understand my worth, and I had given up on searching for my identity. Instead, I searched for love and affection in the arms of men to compensate for the lack of love and affection I neglected to give myself. There were many times when I thought to myself “what am I doing wrong?” or “is there something wrong with me?” I had to ask God to heal me and I still ask Him to this day because there are still broken parts of me and voids that only God can fill. I also had to ask God to help me accept and experience His love so that I can easily discern what love is and what it is not.

We teach people how to treat us. We must hold ourselves to high standards. You are worthy of being loved. You are worthy of being treated with the utmost respect. Contrary to societal belief, love does not hurt.

If you have ever been through or are currently going through similar experiences, know that there is nothing wrong with you and that you are not the cause for their actions.

We are little gods. We are made in the image of Christ Himself. We are worth the life of thee King. We have to know who and Whose we are. We have to know and believe what He says about us or else we’ll believe and act out on the lies fed to us by the enemy. Put your foot down and choose to believe that you are who God says you are. Where do we find this? The Bible. (Check the end of this post for a few verses on who God says we are.)

Despite of these unfortunate events, I find beauty in it all. This is not what God intended for me, but He is using it anyway to mold me into who He has called me to be. I still believe in love and that my man is out there, being formed into the husband that God perfectly designed for me as I am being formed into the wife God perfectly designed for him.

I truly believe that these experiences are not in vain. If this is what it had to take to get me where I am/where I’m going, then so be it. If I can help at least one person by sharing my story, then it was all worth it.

We are created in the image of God. Genesis 1:27

We are a part of the body of Christ. 1 Corinthians 12:27

We are chosen and accepted by God. 1 Peter 2:9

We are temples for the Holy Spirit that lives in us. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

We are free and redeemed. Romans 3:24

We have been made new. 2 Corinthians 5:17

We are blessed. Ephesians 1:3

If you think of any other verses, drop them! Don’t forget to leave some words of encouragement for one another!

“we fall down…”

I know, I know. It’s been about 235,660 years since I’ve posted anything. Let me start this post with a heart-felt apology. I dropped the ball, but I’m picking it back up. Forgive me? Cool.

To be completely transparent with you all, my life plummeted into an abyss (yes, it was that bad lol) and I completely abandoned everything and everyone, including my growing relationship with God. So, in my mind I’m like “who am I to be giving advice to other women when my life is in shambles?” and “what kind of hypocrite would I be?” Other times it would be thoughts like “I’m just going through too much to deal with this blog.”

I don’t remember exactly what started my drift away from the right path, but I do know that it happened so fast and before I knew it, I was too far gone…or at least that’s what it felt like. I began to pick up old habits, rekindle relationships that I had broken off years ago for valid reasons, and my whole thought process was just at a steady decline.

That’s when the lonliness, feelings of shame and disgust started to kick in. I distanced myself from many people in fear of them smelling my sins from a mile away. I stopped talking to God because I believed that He was disgusted and upset with me and I was just too embarrassed to talk to Him. Honestly, what was I gonna say? I was too scared to ask for forgiveness knowing that the next day I was going to be right back at it.

On top of my internal struggles, life after graduation barged in and brought lots of bills with it. In all, I was overwhlemed and didn’t know how to handle it all.

Moral of the story: I WAS/AM STILL KIND OF A MESS lol.

But something a close friend of mine said to me really hit home and gave me the encouragment I needed: “…any down fall or back track you may feel that you had doesn’t take away from the message God has laid on your heart.. let God be God to you, let Him do what He does best, let Him mend you, let Him be who He is to you. We wouldn’t need Him if we always had it all together. Forgive yourself. Nothing you could ever do is greater than what God can cover, let Him be Him to you.”

I’m barely even there yet, but I am on my way and taking baby steps to get back to where I need to be.

I had also come to a harsh realization: it’s not just about me.

I didn’t start this blog solely for me. I’m not living this life solely for me. I’m not going through what I’m going through solely for me.

I’m here, as well as everyone else, to go through life experiences and share them with whoever is going through the same thing to let them know they’re not alone and help bring them out of the abyss they’re in, all while glorifying God.

I realized that I was waiting to become a little more “perfect” before pursuing pretty much anything. I’d be waiting literally forever because I’ll never attain perfection. But what fun is that anyway? Imperfections, downfalls, and other real-life experiences make people more relatable and that’s all I’m trying to be.

And the moment I realized all this, it gave me all the push I needed to get going again.

So bear with me and encourage me as I go on this journey as I do the same for you all.

Don’t forget to leave some encouragement for your fellow women!

i ain’t perfect.

Is there a word for less than imperfect?

Well, whatever the word is, that’s exactly how I’ve been feeling lately. I know that nobody is perfect, but I’ve been feeling extra imperfect; kind of like I’m failing at life, making the wrong decisions, and just not living up to what I feel that I should be living up to. Have y’all ever felt like that?

I guess one thing I could blame for that is comparison. I compare myself to others more than I should, whether it’s physically, career wise, or spiritually (huge one for me!). I get on Instagram faithfully and I browse the explore page. After I’ve finished browsing and looking at snippets of other peoples lives, I end up feeling less than. EVERY TIME. Somebody’s body is always better than mine. Somebody has gotten their dream job. Somebody’s always on vacation. And here I am watching them live their life as I’m trying to figure out the next step in mine.

Another thing I can contribute to feeling the way I do is low self-esteem. That was hard to write and even harder to read. Although my esteem isn’t always low, it also isn’t always high. It fluctuates. Most times, I don’t give myself enough credit for how far I’ve come nor do I appreciate the seasons I’m in. A lot of times I feel like crap or even feed myself lies like “you’re wayyy too awkward and people notice” or “that job is not going to hire you girl, so don’t even apply there”.

Other people’s perception/expectations of who I am or who they think I should be definitely play a role too. I think I have a good idea of how others perceive me; mostly good things. Like my aunt always tells me that my little cousin looks up to me because I’m so this and so that…and my immediate response is always wide eyes followed by the thought “if she only knew…”

So what exactly is my point…

I AIN’T PERFECT. I. AM. NOT. PERFECT.  Never will be. And that’s just going to have to be okay with me and the rest of the world. What a hard concept to accept.

I don’t have a solid job yet. Sometimes I can’t quote a scripture word for word and also can’t remember what chapter or verse it was in. I am well over a size 4 and was recently reminded of this fact (story coming soon).  I doubt myself often. I’m often times socially awkward. I don’t always make the best decisions nor do I always say the right things.


We shouldn’t hold ourselves to unrealistic expectations nor should other people. We don’t have to have everything together. We don’t  have to be something/someone we’re not. We are human. You are who you are and for a reason. Now when I say that, I’m not saying it’s okay to, let’s say, curse someone out and then say “I am who I am!”…no. I’m saying don’t beat yourself up about cursing someone out. Don’t compare yourself to that person who you think never curses anyone out and is happy 24/7.

Be proud of who you are and don’t owe any explanations for it. Acknowledge your “imperfections”. If “it” can be changed for the better, then change “it”. Don’t be perfect, be willing. By no means do I have this 100% right nor have I mastered the skill of acceptance just yet, but recognizing the basics is a start, right? What a roller coaster of a journey.

Don’t forget to leave some encouragement for your fellow women!